picklesmcb

            I’ll tell you all a story about my impeccable luck.  I am cursed.  With the worst luck ever.  And I’ll tell you how I know, with my latest blunder.

             I cleaned out all my cupboards of the crappy junk that I was eating.  I trashed my fridge, my pantry, all of it.  I threw away garbage bags full of things I never should have bought in the first place.  I spent a whopping $300 at the grocery store [And I live alone, so this is a huge amount of food] to fill my cupboards and fridge.  My fridge especially.  I packed it full of fresh food and my freezer full of fresh lean meat [the bulk of the money spent was on the meat, so pricey!] 

            A few days later, I decide to go to my folks house for the weekend, because I haven’t seen them in a long time.  They live about 2 hours away from me.  When I came back home, as soon as I entered the apartment, I knew something was wrong.  the whole place smelled.  Lo and behold my fridge had stopped working.  My meat was thawed out, half the things in my fridge were ruined.  I cooked as much meat as I thought I could, starting with the ones with the nearest due dates, and ate the fresh veggies.  I called my landlord and he said he would get to it when he could, no gaurantees.  I could have killed someone. 

            Two days passed [since I had been home] and no one came.  I called the landlord and told him I would have someone over myself and send him the bill if he didnt deal with it by the next day.  By that point, 2 thirds of the money I had just spent on all these healthy groceries had gone out to the trash.  I am by no means a rich girl, and live paycheck to paycheck.  Spending that much money on groceries alone took up all the extra “spending money” I had budgeted for myself for the whole month.  [including the alloted grocery fund]  The next morning, he still had not showed or got back to me, so I dialed the number for someone who would and opened my freeze door to inspect the state of my ice trays and cold packs, and lo and behold, everything was frozen solid!

           My fridge was on the fritz for exactly long enough for me to have to throw away everything, then kicked itself back on!  When someone did finally show up to check on the fridge, they said there was no problem! 

            Somehow I think God wanted to be funny.  Except, I wish he would play his jokes on someone else.  Because just when I start to finally gain enough strength to break myself of this never ending fat cycle, I get divine intervention that, for lack of a better phrase, was preventing me from starting.  Now I dont have enough money to replenish those groceries and I’m living off my pantry, which is all carbs.  *sigh*  I’m doomed.  

            Hello!  Mt name is Hailey, and I am a food-a-holic.  You and I, dearest BuddySlim, we have got a date with destiny my friend.  Today is the very last day of my entire life that I hate myself.  Tonight is that last night I feel un-sexy going to bed.  It is the last night that I will fret about how Chris is spooning and knowingly, in the middle of the night, re-direct his hands from my belly even when I’m in the dead of sleep.  That will no longer be second nature to me.  I refuse to have those instincts any longer.  I hate that in summer I only wear jeans and sweaters as much as I can get away with it, and if it’s deadly hot, I might go with an oversized tee shirt.  I hate not taking pictures from the neck down and I double hate that I can see the fat creeping up on me in the form of double chins. 

             I hate being told I have a pretty face, and hearing the rest of the sentence, “it’s too bad the rest of you is so sluggish looking”.  Every other person in my family is slim and I will no longer be the fatty fat pants of the family. 

             Now I don’t mean to be concieted, but my parents have a pretty decent collaborative gene pool.  My brother is a stud, and I know I’m pretty.  I’m just also unfortunately 242lbs.  So today I start the journey kids.  I will become the hot girl that people want to date.  Not that I’ve had the biggest problem with that.  I haven’t been single in 6 years, but that’s because I apply my personality with a paste to make up for my shortcomings.  I’m terribly personable, and I am thrilled that people like me for that first before anything else.  But I would also love to be the girl who thinks that she’s pretty, regardless of what other people say.

            And now for the terrible part.  The before photos.  Gag.  It’s pretty terrible.  But, I’ll share with you the very few photos I actually have of myself that represent my real weight.  Here it is boys and girls…

Yowza.  The closest to a full bod shot you’ll get.

I am a MAMMOTH.  Geez.  242 lbs as of this summer.

Me and my gorgeous friend Lacey.  She’s dropped nearly 100 lbs, so now I’m the fat friend… shucks.

Me and the boyfriend.  Ugh.  This is probably 230lbs - ish.  Lame.

 The date for this photo is wrong, this was me Christmas 2007.  That was almost a year ago and I’m still heavier than that right now.

            The only thing that I have that comes even close to a “skinny” photo is this lovely shot:

            As you might have been able to guess by the caption under the photo, I was in eighth grade here.  A whole thirteen years old.  I was probably 158lbs-165lbs here in this picture.  Isn’t that sad?  That the best you’ve ever looked was before you hit puberty?  I mean, come on!  I don’t even have tits in this picture!!  And them titties are 40 D’s now.  Yeah.  Let it sink in. 

             So folks, I would love love LOVE to be 160lbs again, but thats 80 lbs!  Thats a big goal.  But even better than that, I’d like to be thinner.  But the thing is, I dont know how thin would be too thin, you know?  I have my goal set at 122lbs right now.  Who knows, I might start to loose and get to 140lbs and think it’s sickly thin on me.  I dont know.  because I have never been fit in my life.

            So here it goes folks!  I start the journey right now, at quarter to three in the morning, lol.  Who wants to start with me?